I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i already hear my dad disowning me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
