The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
