I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
