belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
3pm strippers are depressing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
