I cannot find my penis.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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