I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
