dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
