Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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