There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We are two peas in an std pod
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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