I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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