so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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