had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
