Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
