the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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