she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize