didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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