she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
