My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
