My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
