she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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