Your tits are I can't wait for
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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