I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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