Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
