Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
