Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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