Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
