If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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