Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
