we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
