he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
