I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
