she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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