There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I enjoy the company of your penis
God, I missed his penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
