i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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