cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
