She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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