I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
