Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
