this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
