You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
