what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
