hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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