Welp...herpes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
