Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't think brook has ever known best
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
