My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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