Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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