i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
