my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
