There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
