theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
