just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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