I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
