Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
