went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
