Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
