end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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