He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
