The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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