She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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