we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
