I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
