We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
